Right, so I came back from Burning Man ready to jump into the LS. We spent time looking at couples on Kasidie together…we talked about what our expectations of each other were, and how we were going to handle uncomfortable situations. We met our first couple, ended up at a hotel, and it was A-MAZING! I have never been so turned on. After that first swap we went home and I fucked Mr. Right till the early morning, then masturbated to the thought of it every day for weeks.
I came back from Burning Man, saw something on Kasidie that still makes me go “fuck you a little bit Mr. Right” and
overreacted in typical Yuvonna fashion:
BUT we obviously moved on because nobody has ever treated me as well as Mr. Right, even at 2 months deep, and I am head over heals for that man. Poor guy. He seriously fucks up once, beginning of the relationship, and I’m still finding ways to bring it up. Meanwhile, I’ve since done things Mr. Right probably should have left me for. Like, I would have left me AND put all my hats in the bathtub with bleach, filled the toilet with my socks, and stuffed my underwear in the freezer.* But not Mr. Right, he just continues to stand by my side. I guess it’s the crazy. He always says, “there’s something sexy about crazy”, and I think it’s better I don’t question that mentality.
Anyway…we really did meet our first couple for drinks, and before we even met, it was like:
“HEEEEEYYYYY Yuvonna! I’m expectations. I’m complicated, sneaky, and I will FUCK YOU UP”.
Expectations are easily one of the biggest obstacles that Mr. Right and I have had to overcome. We have fought over his expectations, my expectations, other people’s expectations, whether or not there are expectations, and even whether or not there were unspoken expectations after the fact. I know, drama drama drama.
I wish I could screen shot what I wrote in the description section of our Kasidie profile when we created it. I’m sure that would give all of us a good laugh as it was probably longer than this blog post, but I’m sure somewhere in there it said I was super fresh on the LS scene. So when this couple texted us an hour before meeting and said:
“FYI, if things go good tonight we can’t come back to our place”
I was like, EXCUSE ME?!?! My crazy Yuvonna brain immediately went in overdrive. Were these people thinking we would have sex with each other after just meeting? Were they expecting us to offer up our place that was 30+ minutes away from where we were meeting? They KNOW we live at least 30 PLUS minutes away. Are they perverts? Am I dating a pervert? If Mr. Right would even consider that, we have some serious talking to do. Serious. Should we tell them they can’t come here either so they don’t get their hopes just because we get along? I don’t want anyone to get their hopes up, even if they are perverts. Did I mention, we lived AT LEAST 30 minutes from these pervs whose place we couldn’t go back to even if we wanted to?
Let’s give it up to all the couples willing to risk going out with a newbie, but particularly me.
Seriously, standing ovation people. Or perverts. You’re probably a pervert if you read my blog.
Here are a few self-observations that make me a total scalawag here:
- I never thought of swingers as perverts prior to this, I understand the difference between polyamory and swinging, and polyamory is not something I want to dip my toes in. I think we can all agree that’s way over my emotional capacity. I’m also not suggesting polyamory is perverted, it’s not. I probably should have made this 2 bullet points.
- I never thought of most people with different or more extreme sexual desires or preferences as perverts. Nope, just people who like kiddie porn, jacking off at the bus stop, hopefully we’re on the same page here.
- I have maybe once or twice gone home with a complete stranger…
- I definitely had an online dating profile when I met Mr. Right that was so purely dedicated to soliciting sex, not only did I not have my face as my profile picture, I didn’t have my face on my profile at all. You didn’t get to see my face until you passed my screening test and I thought there was a possibility we had good sexual chemistry. At that point I handed the cards over, and the other player could decide if he was interested in meeting after he saw my face. It was A LOT of fun, and it worked. I had the best fuck buddies ever and I didn’t have to sleep around to find them. They still text me now and again to see if I’m still with Mr. Right.
Yeah…that was a real thing I did, and that was my real profile. And yeah…I know my ass looks damn good there – it’s my 28 year old ass. And yeah…slap me with hypocrisy. And yeah…I was, and still am, a hustler. Once a hustler, always a hustler. Just like normal people, we can’t always be on top of our game. I might be slacking on spittin’ game, but I’m still spittin’ truth.
As I’ve previously mentioned, one of my favorite things about the LS is how it helps me better myself. I reflect on this experience and remind myself to dig deeper when I feel offended, particularly when my reaction is to put someone or something down that has done NOTHING to me . I started passing out judgment as soon as soon as I felt uncomfortable and threatened. Why did I feel threatened? I was scared I wasn’t going to live up to the expectation I IMAGINED Mr. Right had. I imagined he was comparing me to this beautiful sexual Mrs., and it made me feel insecure.
I hadn’t actually thought about getting naked with other people until that text and it scared the bejesus out of me. Here was a sexy, young, confident married couple so secure in their relationship they’re ready to bang people off the Internet. I mean, there were pictures of this hot-bodded wife getting double vaginal penetration on their profile. I already had pangs of jealousy thinking Mr. Right wished I was that hot. In my mind, Mr. Right was already mind fucking her. Deep….right? No, not mind fucking her deep, my mind is deep, but thanks for putting that image there too.
Welcome to Yuvonna’s brain.
Then there’s Mr. Right whose previous girlfriend introduced him to the LS in the geographic area, and she probably would have loved to bang these people off the Internet. Not being cooler and better than her in EVERY aspect was a threat in itself. It’s “cool” to let your boyfriend get with the sexy wife who likes DVP right? I should probably get DVPed too so I’m not “less than”… even if I’m not comfortable with it. God forbid people have different desires and your significant other accepts that.
So I wanted to convince myself, and Mr. Right, that going home with that couple wasn’t an option because the notion was absurd, ABSURD I TELL YOU! It had nothing to do with me feeling “less than…” and intimidated. Never mind the fact that going home with them was not even an option in the first place.
As you might imagine, the golden rule in the LS is open communication with your partner. Problem with me is I‘m not going to communicate something I’m in denial of. Plus, I’ll take extreme measures to prevent myself from feeling vulnerable. This combination makes for some pretty ridiculous notions on my part.
I would like to pause here and take a moment to clarify that I don’t think you are insecure if you aren’t comfortable sharing your partner. I don’t think that swinging makes you more “open” or capable of reaching emotional levels otherwise unattainable in a monogamous relationship. A healthy relationship is a healthy relationship and is capable of growth in ways unique to each couple. Furthermore, I’d like to reiterate how unique each couple’s experience is with the LS. Just because it didn’t come “easy” for me to get involved with the LS doesn’t mean I forced it. I have been drawn to the LS since being introduced to it, and I LOVE IT. That will speak for itself in time.
Different relationship, same time = different story. Same relationship, different time = different story. Different relationship, different time = different story. It’s endless.
What I really don’t want to do is give the impression that with the LS comes drama just because I’ve dramatized these situations. Drama and the LS really don’t mesh.
So to wrap things up, it ended up being an awesome time despite me overthinking everything because of a text saying we couldn’t hook up at their place IF it came to that. You might be surprised to hear that they weren’t perverts. We all had a lot of fun, conversation flowed, the whole experience was exciting and rousing. I actually did end up masturbating to the thought of eating the Mrs.’s pussy until the next time we saw them. Unfortunately, that meeting did not have as happy of an ending as the first, but it really was for the best.
*Another man, another time, another blog