I’m Yuvonna, but you can call me whatever you wanna. My boyfriend was made for me, so I like to call him Mr. Right. We’ve been together for almost two years, and the lifestyle (LS) has played a big role in our relationship for most of that. I didn’t even know what the LS was 2 years ago. I was familiar with what swinging was, but I was completely clueless as to how broad the spectrum of the LS was, let alone how popular it was. Shoot, I never even heard the term “vanilla” till we met up with our first couple off of Kasidie.
Mr. Right has been in the LS a while, primarily with his girlfriend before me. This is/was one of our biggest struggles, particularly starting out, as different expectations and comfort levels were set with her. Her comfort levels spread much broader than mine probably ever will. And that’s great if that’s what worked for them! But communication, particularly at the beginning, was mostly trial and error. Mr. Right learned pretty quick not to say, “it would have been ok with my ex”.
There’s also the fact that I’m more than 20 years his junior, which brings a whole other set of dynamics to our relationship. Regardless, every relationship is unique to its boundaries and comfort levels, and more often than not, you can’t anticipate what those might be. It’s like the oldest saying in the LS book. I should know. I scoured the web for advice for beginner swingers when Mr. Right introduced me to the LS, and I scoured it again for how to handle jealousy after the first time I saw him physically flirting with another woman.
The LS has brought me a lot of heartache, but overall it has impacted me in a much more positive than negative way. Most importantly, I am learning to let go of judgement, and recognize when I am projecting my own feelings of inadequacy on others. Just recognizing my insecurities is helping me learn what I need to work on to become more confident and positive. That in itself helps me build a stronger relationship with Mr. Right.
To clarify, Mr. Right is perfect for me, but I’m actually the one who is usually “right”. Certainly that’s the case when it comes to arguments we have over the lifestyle. I like to reaffirm this by telling anyone who will listen how Mr. Right fucked up, so they confirm my
overreaction was justified. Thus… welcome to my blog! A means by which I can reach swingers by the masses to air all our drama and take my side. And if you don’t want to tell me what I want to hear, well…
Mr. Right already drops big bucks on a psychiatrist I could totally take advantage of talking to if I wanted more than a script.
But seriously, I’m just an open book, and I get a lot of satisfaction sharing feelings and stories. It helps me organize my thoughts and understand myself better. Living abroad in my early 20’s was a major eye opener as to how much you can learn about yourself learning about others. Being in the LS is a great example of that.
Enough of the Yoda shit. It’s not like I’m in the LS to become some self-reflective, optimal being. I am, and always have been a very sexual person. Still, sometimes I feel like I’m not enough for Mr. Right because he was so eager to involve me in the LS after cuffing me.* But I know in my heart of hearts that we are both the type of people who need the LS as a healthy sexual outlet. No doubt that we would otherwise get bored of each other, and I have never had a better long term sex life. Apparently Mr. Right used to have more sex before me. But whatevs. I only have two thoughts about that:
I know he’s loved me the best.
I’m not trying to offer advice or guidance through this blog**. I’m hoping to offer some comic relief on our nightmare experiences, offer a few laughs sharing some of our adventures , and maybe throw in a few unrelated or more serious notes in between.
Who knows how hairy things might get.
*In case you aren’t as hip and ghetto fab as me, to cuff someone is to tie them down in a relationship.
**I do not ever recommend taking my advice. To do so is at your own risk.